Eco Toy Packaging

As a parent of two small children, I find myself pontificating about things I never have before. Where my life formerly centered around friends, Friday nights and shopping, I now think more about the environment, my children’s health and how to get milk gob off of my clothes.

This leads into my pet peeve of the decade topic…consumer goods packaging, specifically, the packaging that accompanies children’s toys and crafts. I recently bought my daughter a doll that came with so much more than just a toy brush and hair clips. I realized this was truly a gift of copious amounts of cardboard, plastic clips, metal ties and glossy (toxic?) paint. After extricating the doll from the cardboard sheath and plastic clips and all the while wondering if an engineering degree and blow torch would have sped the process up, I realized I had more packaging than toy! I have to ask myself what I am sure thousands of parents around the world have thought at one time or another. “Is this good for the environment?”, “Is it setting a good example for my children?”, “Doesn’t the packaging add unnecessary costs to a simple toy?”.

So now I have to ask myself why manufacturers do this when it is so obviously wrong on many levels. My personal conclusion was disturbing and embarrassing. The companies that make and market these toys do this because of me! Lavishly packaged toys sell more units because I buy them. I didn’t buy the plain cotton doll; I bought this plastic and glitzy cardboard encased monstrosity. Take your children to the toy store and they automatically gravitate towards the shiniest, brightest and exciting looking toys on the shelf. Unwrap it at home however and it just becomes another plaything with all the rest.

Some recommendations to help you around this issue are:

1) Buy the toys you like but write a letter (email) to the manufacturer and ask them to change their packaging.

2) Boycott toys with excessive packaging and let your friends know too.

3) Buy eco friendly toys. There are many great brands out there….

A Balance Between Work and Family….Can it Be?

So, if you are reading this post wondering if there is a silver bullet for taking away “Mother’s Guilt” then I have just the thing for you…..I know a great plastic surgeon….become a man……Kidding!

No, really, Mother’s Guilt is a fact of life….especially for working mothers.  However, just a tidbit statistic….in Canada the number of dual income households with children in the home has increased from 45% in 1980 to 68% in 2009.   So,  if you are a working mother in Canada….you definitely are not alone out there.

In fact you are in stupendous, fantastic, wonderful company….me….I’m one of the 68% of working mothers out there and  I have canvassed my network of colleagues to bring to you some advice on how to make your and your family’s life easier. 

Some think being a captain of industry is a tough job….trying juggling profit and loss statements with juice boxes and after school sports…now that is an accomplishment! While I certainly don’t profess to have all the answers, I do consider myself somewhat of an expert, after being in the workforce for the past 7 years while having two children I have learned a thing or two on how to get through the days successfully 🙂

1)      CEO’s of large corporations need good support staff….so do mothers.  Arm yourself with a good support structure whether it be family, friends or hired help….you cannot do it alone.  Trust me, I thought that I could work from home with a 2 year old in the house and just put the conference call on “mute” from time to time.  Let’s just say that didn’t work out well…..  So, I hired a nanny whom I could trust and who would give me some added time to focus on my business and my children. Whether it is hired part time help or asking a family member to lend a hand….don’t be shy! It’s ok to ask for help.

2)      Strike a balance…..that means that you CAN have everything…….but just not all once.  You have to prioritize your immediate needs whether it be a deadline at work or a school play.  It’s ok to put more focus on work for a short period of time and then shift that focus to family once work has died off and vice versa.  Over the long term you will be balancing both work and family wonderfully.  Mothers often think that if they don’t create a 50/50 balance on a daily basis they are failing….but, that’s not so!

3)      Really get to know your child’s cues.  Trust me, every day will be a struggle with them wanting mommy and putting up a fight every time you walk out the door.  It’s heartbreaking to leave a child that is screaming for you.  But, know two things….one is that the minute you walk out the door your little one most likely stops screaming and happily continues on with her day.  And two, that your child will begin to understand that mommy, is “coming back”.  Empathy is the key, when I say get to know your child’s cues, it means understanding when your child really needs  you to put work on the backburner and spend some quality time with them.  It sounds simple to know the real cry from the fake cry….but when guilt and emotions get involved that clear line becomes a bit blurry.

4)      Set expectations with your family and your work.  Surprises are the hardest hurdle to overcome.  Explain and communicate to both parties what you are doing and why.  For instance, if you have to pick up your child from daycare NO LATER than 4pm then set that expectation with your work so that when you walk out the door at 3:45pm you don’t get the “stink eye” from your boss.  On the other hand if you have a big deadline at work and have to work late to complete everything, communicate that to your caregiver so that you don’t get the “stink eye” from them either.

One tip that a wise friend once gave me was that Mother’s Guilt comes from within the mom, not from the children.  Of course your children want you and only you and always will when they are young.  However, it’s how you deal with it as a mom and how you rationalize your decision to go into the workforce instead of staying home.  Every decision is based on your needs.  Whether that is an emotional need to get out of the house and work or a financial need to help pay the bills. Once you have made that decision to be a working mother, embrace it.  Trust your gut.  The more confident you are in your decision to work the more confident everyone else around you will be too…..including your child!

Is Your Life Too Rushed with Kids?

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~WILL ROGERS

The above is an obscure but interesting quote I came across recently on the Internet that struck a chord with me and how I interact with my children. Clearly I haven’t reached the point that Mr. Will Rogers’ alludes to where I need to FIND something to do. “Get your shoes, get your coat, put that toy away..no we have to go…what, you need to pee?….hurry!!! We’re going to be late.” I seem to be in a constant rush with my children trying to GET somewhere all the time. School, play date, soccer practice, Gymboree, you name it I’m going there or rather ‘trying’ to get there on time!

I find it odd how prior to the birth of my children I was able to dress myself, put makeup on, brush my teeth, get on the road and always without a doubt arrive at my business appointments on time. Heck I even had time to spare to grab a cup of coffee….imagine that.

That being said, I’m not disturbed at my new found lack of time management but rather my constant pressure on my children to get ready and get going. I have come to the conclusion that less is more sometimes and that maybe, just maybe, missing an appointment or being late once in a while isn’t such a bad thing. How about I let my daughter finish making her watercolor picture of our family, even though she’ll be late for her dance class? Maybe my son would benefit more from playing in his sandbox a little longer than being rushed out the door for his Gymboree class.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not proposing that children’s lives should be filled with missed commitments and late arrivals. Structure and consistency are important foundations of young lives and to teach the ability to plan and control outcomes through action. I do however think that once in a while it is ok to choose a free form activity over a committed one. Not all the time but once in a while to take the stress off children and show then that life is not 100% about appointments and full days of planned activities, but also about just plain fun!

A few things I am going to do to make my life easier and relive stress on my children….
• Start getting ready earlier. Set a reasonable timeframe. If your kids are tired or not feeling well give extra time to get them ready. They will undoubtedly be slower than usual.
• Set expectations early so that the kids know what’s coming. “Sally, toys away in 10 minutes, we need to start getting ready”.
• Put jackets, shoes and snacks together the night before so it’s not a rush the day of.
• Have extra essentials in the car (water, diapers, wipes, clothes, snacks) just in case you forget something.
• Plan less activities – open up some white space.

With these tips and tricks at my disposal, I think I may be able to get a little time for myself and even pick up that long missed cup of coffee once in a while.

Where Did my Boobs Go?

I learned a valuable life lesson this morning: Do not let a 5 year old in the bathroom while you are showering unless you are prepared to hear less than complimentary comments about your body. Studying me towelling off as she peed she queried, “Mommy, why are your boobies drooping down? Why don’t they stay up?” I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Good question my little flower, the sad truth is, my post-postpartum boobs are rather gravitationally challenged. You’ve heard of the pencil test? I can carry a bumper pack of markers.

I once had a fairly perky bosom. Never large, but they could hold their own. When I laid on my back they’d stand proudly above rather than skulking to the sides to hide under my armpits as they do now. And it’s not as if they grew disproportionately during pregnancy or when my milk came in. I know some new moms have incredible chest expansion issues. There was the day on Twitter I came across an ad for “Nursing bras… up to size M” M???? M???? My jaw dropped down almost as low as my boobs. These poor women need a wheelbarrow, not a nursing bra. A friend of mine has always had an ample bosom but admitted that maintaining her impressive cleavage postpartum involved a fair bit of gathering-up and arranging in her bra.

I know that the official line is that breastfeeding per-se isn’t the cause of sagging postpartum boobs. Supposedly it’s genes and age that determine how well your boobs will bounce back after pregnancy and breastfeeding have taken their toll. But I’m sceptical – how come my mom’s still got boobs while mine did a vanishing act? Only difference is, she didn’t breastfeed us. Of course it is possible that I take after my dad, although his boobs aren’t saggy either. No, if I’m honest, it’s probably the age factor that got me. If I’d had my kids 5 years earlier perhaps my boobs would have fared better. Age gets us all in the end. Last week at the village fete I spotted a guy from school that I used to ‘fancy’. Goodness me, how things change in 25 years. His entire body had sagged; his face looked like a deflated beach ball. I was left feeling mighty relieved that that one didn’t work out after all. So perhaps at my age if my only problem is “boobies drooping down” I should be grateful. At least until the next time my daughter pops into the bathroom to point out a flaw.

Dads are from Mars; Moms are from Venus

As I headed off to take my 5 year old to soccer training last week I was eager to see my friend to congratulate her on the breakthrough she’d had with the sleeping patterns of her 9 month old. I’d spent many hours on the side-line comiserating with her over the ongoing family sleep troubles while our 5 year olds attempted to learn the finer art of ball control.

The good news of the improvement had been delivered by her husband when I’d bumped into him at the grocery store earlier in the week. “Oh, things are much better now” he said chirpily and indeed, he looked well rested and sprightly. I was surprised to see my friend shuffle wearily into the gym still sporting her dark glasses that customarily concealed her baggy, dark-circled eyes. My enthusiastic congratulations were met with a confused frown. “What improvement?” she asked, stifling a yawn. Our subsequent chat uncovered the truth of the matter: Hubby had been sleeping in the spare room with earplugs for the last week. We were able to have a laugh about it and came to the conclusion that on most matters concerning Baby, Dads are from Mars; Moms are from Venus. Let’s look at a few classic examples:

1. The Bathroom Break
– Mom holds on until she’s about to burst, then does her business in 30 seconds with Baby watching from the bouncy chair.
– Dad settles in with magazine and is MIA for 30 minutes.

2. Visiting Friends
– Mom is concious that Baby’s bedtime is approaching so suggests it’s time to get going. She gathers and packs baby paraphernalia, puts Baby in clean diaper and PJs and prepares Baby’s milk.
– Dad accepts another beer and heads off to the den to admire friend’s new technical gadget acquisition.

3. Baby’s Lunchtime
– Mom preps a healthy balanced meal of pasta, cheese and fruit 15 minutes in advance.
– Dad wonders why Baby is particularly cranky at 2:30pm, then remembers she hasn’t been fed. He quickly tries to remedy the situation by giving Baby a fistful of soda crackers.

4. Nighttime
– Mom pops up like a jack-in-the-box as Baby lets out the first wail. She springs to the aid of the crying baby and spends 20 minutes going through the getting-back-to-sleep routine. After 5 minutes back in bed she’s worried it’s too quiet and is up again checking that the baby is still breathing.
– Dad stirs and opens one eye as Mom lowers her weary body back into the bed and mumbles something useful like “What’s the matter with her?” before resuming his snoring.

5. Going Out
– Mom dresses Baby, changes her diaper when she poops 2 minutes later, changes her outfit when she spits up 3 minutes later, changes her own outfit because said spit up travelled. She sets about packing the baby bag with 2 changes of clothes, bib, soother, toys, snacks, diapers, wipes, sunhat, sunscreen, … then sits to wait for 15 minutes for Dad to be ready.
– Dad has to go back for the camera when they finally get in the car and Mom asks him if he’s got it.

Emotional Issues – Relationship Changes

Without a doubt, suddenly the most important thing in your life is BABY. It’s your new love, infatuation, project, job and hobby all rolled into one. Is this new obsession getting in the way of established relationships?

People who were used to being the focus of your affection and attention now have to take a back seat, at least while you become accustomed to a new role and get to grips with how to juggle priorities. Number one on this list is most likely the man in your life. I’m not suggesting that your relationship is about to fall apart or be less happy than it was before, but there are bound to be some ups and downs and big changes ahead while you readjust to being a family. Most moms admit that relationship issues and arguments with their man increased once a new baby was around. There are many reasons why baby’s arrival can test a couple, but the drop in a postpartum woman’s sex drive springs to mind as the primary factor.

There are also changes ahead in relationships with other members of the family such as the new grandparents and also for friends. Do you remember griping about couples who has just become new parents? Did you ever utter the complaint “All she has to talk about now is babies!” when a good friend became a mom and you were still just half of a twosome? As a late bloomer in motherhood I know from experience how irritating it is when your best friend is suddenly incapable of finishing a phone conversation, or breaks off every 5^th sentence to report that the baby has just farted, puked or wow-of-wows rolled over. Maybe now you are a newly obsessed mom you can see it from the other side. I had one childless friend left when I had my baby and it only took about 18 months of my baby talk emails (and I was trying to be restrained) to drive her away.

Mommy Wear

My kids are well dressed; their closets are well stocked; their outfits are coordinated; their clothes don’t have hanging threads and holes. Sadly the same cannot be said of my wardrobe.

From the day I left work on maternity leave 5 years ago my wardrobe has been on a slippery downward slope to stay-at-home-mom style. Stacy and Clinton would have a field day with me. I do set myself one rule: No leaving the house in sweat pants (at least not the baggy-bummed, bit too short, worn in at the knee variety reserved for my family’s pleasure). Other than that it’s free for all: grab the nearest pair of jeans and unstained/least stained top and dash – I am always running late and it’s obviously not because I’ve spent too much time preening myself.

I applaud any new moms who manage to stay smart and stylish. I have the standard excuses.

1. No time to spend on myself.
2. No time to shop for new clothes.
3. I’m “comfortable”.
4. It’s not worth bothering since any outfit will soon be smeared with mashed toddler biccy, snot, drool or spit-up.
5. I’m waiting for someone to spot me and nominate me for “What Not to Wear”.

Unless you’re happy being a “momfortable” slob, as a new mom it’s important not to neglect yourself. Not taking time to smarten yourself up can quickly lead to the doldrums. If you look good you are more likely to feel good.

Comrades’ Recommendations

• Take the opportunity to shower before hubby leaves for work – you may not get another chance in the day.
• Do your hair and makeup as you are accustomed to.
• And dress the best you can, given that Baby will always be one step ahead because although you’re intending to treat yourself at the mall today, cute babywear is just too hard to resist.

Relationship with Dad

I’ve held off for a long time, but it had to come sooner or later – the dig at the other half of our parenting partnership. As a mom, do you feel you bear the brunt of the new parent experience? I’m guessing yes.

Let’s face it ladies: we have little choice. For a start giving birth and breastfeeding are obviously down to us. It’s our bodies (and minds) that change; change again; then refuse to change back the way we want them to. It’s us that develop the hearing of bats; sense of smell of a bloodhound; eyes in the backs of our heads; and as many arms as an octopus (we wished). In most cases it’s also us that will provide the lion’s (sorry, lioness’s) share of the care giving, at least for the first year. As hard as dads might try, they can’t fight nature and it is women whose “Spidey Senses” will be on full alert for the foreseeable future to nurture and protect the baby no matter what.

But how hard do dads really try? For me the tone was set in the maternity ward. Around the 12 hour point of my labour during the wee small hours, unable to sleep due through the contractions, I was up out of bed and pacing. My husband, overcome by tiredness, had a lie down on the bed and dozed off instantly. Even through my pain I had to laugh at the shocked look on the OBGYN’s face when he came to our delivery room for morning rounds and looking up from his charts did a double take as he found the patient in the bed was a dozing, disheveled man. I’ve lost count of the number of times since that I’ve been trying to make it through the day on 5 hours sleep only to find my husband enjoying a post lunch snooze on the couch through his ‘babywatch’ shift. He thinks nothing of disappearing for a half hour bathroom break, casually leafing through a magazine, while I’ve been lucky to spend 30 seconds on similar tasks since the arrival of the baby. He sees no problem with watching the sports replay or the last five minutes of the match before he goes to our screaming baby’s aid.

But you know, if strains are starting to show in your relationship rest assured you aren’t the only ones. In “The Audacity of Hope” even the couple of the moment – the Obamas – admit to problems after the arrival of their babies. They were both tired and stressed, but while Barack persued his (admittedly very important) career the child rearing fell mostly on Michelle’s shoulders. As a career woman herself attempting to juggle a part time job and the children raised resentment and the complaint: “I never thought I’d have to raise a family alone”.