Surviving The First Year of Motherhood

Surviving the first year of motherhood can easily feel like the most daunting of tasks. Recovering from pregnancy and delivery, suffering through sleep deprivation, dealing with hormonal changes as well as being challenged by a baby’s ever evolving developmental stages will test the resolve of all novice mothers. New moms should plan to sleep when the baby does, take advice sparingly, know when to ask for help, make personal time a priority and enjoy the little things.

Sleep When the Baby Does 

It is imperative that new mothers learn to sleep when the baby does. Forget cleaning the house and know that laundry can wait. Being well-rested is the easiest way to recover from delivery and have the strength to face the challenges of daily life.

Take Advice Sparingly 

Everyone will have a piece of advice for new mothers. Most moms quickly learn to graciously accept the tips and take everything with a grain of salt as what works for one family, may not work for another. Additionally, learning to trust the mom instinct, instead of blindly following advice, is an important part of growing as a parent.

Know When to Ask for Help

Mothering is exhausting and it is imperative new mothers recognize when to ask for help. Learning to rely on family, friends and trained professionals and accepting offers of assistance, when needed, will benefit all involved.

Make Personal Time a Priority 

With day running into night, new mothers need to carve out an occasional few minutes of personal time. A quick shower or brief meal without the baby in tow can give a much needed emotional boost.

Enjoy the Little Things 

The first year, with all its milestones, will come and go in a flash. From first smiles, to new words and learning to move, the newest member of the family will delight, dazzle and wow its mother. For new parents bringing home baby, the first birthday party will seem years away. However, in twelve short months it will be time to celebrate a year of growth and accomplishments and will be time to seek out cute gift ideas for Babys First Birthday. New mothers should remember to enjoy all of the special moments that will present throughout the year.

Mothering is a full-time job. Recognizing when to ask for help, knowing how to get some rest and celebrating life will help new moms survive the first year of raising a child with both their health and sanity intact.

Can I Have A Manual, Please??!!

Welcome Charissa Martin, mom of 3, Certified Birth Doula and founder of Alongside Family Support Services

I am not a new mom, and my experiences do not extend farther than a decade, but one thing I know for certain (now that I have 3 monsters of my own), is that this is the toughest job Iʼve ever done!!

CAN I HAVE A MANUAL, PLEASE??!!

My journey into motherhood began nearly a decade ago when I gave birth to my eldest daughter. Nothing prepared me for the months and years ahead. While I dealt with the various trials that come with having a baby (and soon after two more babies), I personally wrestled with various forms of postpartum depression. I often wondered how I could truly be the fabulous mother I longed to be.

Through my faith, and the support of those around me, I joyfully survived those early babyhood years, and I learned very quickly that moms & young families need LOTS of support during the early years of raising a family. 

You may ask, “what does support look like?”, “What do you mean?” Well, those are very good questions.

Support comes in many different forms, and there is no “cookie-cutter” solution to how each and every woman should, or can be, supported. Consider for a moment shifting our thinking so that we are REAL and HONEST with ourselves. Shifting our thought pattern is first and foremost to moving forward successfully as healthy mothers! We need to STOP COMPARING ourselves to other mothers around us. Each one of us comes with a different level of tolerance and our coping levels are quite varied. Letʼs face it – we are emotional beings. As women, we are driven so tremendously by our emotions, which often times has itʼs downfalls. Couple that with hormones, and can we say TROUBLE??!!

All joking aside, we need to remind ourselves that each one of us is unique, just like the children we are raising. There is no shame in admitting our need for help. It is essential and important to our well-being, both physically and psychologically speaking. It is essential to laying claim to those truths so that we can simply ENJOY these early years with our children.

That being said, emotional and physical help must be tangible, real and visible. We must be able to touch, see, and speak into it. At Alongside Family Support Services, we believe in meeting those physical and practical needs WHILE providing the necessary emotional support. How can we do this? Weʼve been where you are and have found there is a gap in our society and medical system. This is our passion!

Supporting you through the toughest months of transition will ensure you feel confident in who you are as a mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend… whatever hat you wear on any given day, you deserve to be supported.

Chaos does not have to be an option for your family as you navigate your way through these early months and years, so contact us today to find out more about our Birth and Postpartum Doula Services, Concierge and Professional Organization Services.

Charissa Martin

I am a Certified Birth Doula through DONA International, and am an active member of the Doula Association of B.C. I have completed the DONA Birth Doula Training course at Douglas College, and volunteer my time through Pregnancy Options. I am also a member of Professional Organizers of Canada (POC) and am pursuing my Lamaze Childbirth Educator training. My goal is to come alongside your family and provide the support, love, and care you deserve!

But Who Takes Care of Mom?

As a new mom, the first few weeks can be a blur. You become so wrapped up in this wonderful time of taking care of your new born baby that you forget that someone is supposed to take care of you. You basically just completed the equivalent of running a full marathon with what your body just went through in childbirth, yet all you can think about is the best way to take care of your new baby. Your personal needs are a distant memory somewhere below laundry and diapers.

This is a common theme among moms so don’t worry. You are in good company with thousands of brand new moms that forget about their own needs. So as one that has been there a couple of times, this is a reminder that you need some TLC too. The first few weeks are such a blur but you will get through them much better if you take a few precious moments for yourself. Here are some tips on how to provide that to yourself when it is the farthest thing from your mind…….

1)     Vaginal Healing – Let’s face it….the first week or so after giving birth no matter how easy it was, your nether regions have become a war zone. This part of your anatomy has made it through a battle and probably has some significant battle scars to show for it (if you know what I mean ladies!). Be sure to take some time to take care of yourself. A healed mother is a happy mother. Some survival tools that you might consider buying before you give birth so that they are on-hand directly afterwards are:

1. Ice Pack. Sounds like a no brainer but it’s a life saver if you have swelling.
2. Plastic squeeze bottle. Having that to help clean and sooth yournether regions is a lifesaver.  You probably won’t be able to strain your neck to see down there and probably won’t want too, so have a sanitary squeeze bottle filled with luke warm water to help clean after going to the washroom is a must.
3. Sitz Bath. This comes in handy to help take down swelling and to help calm your nether regions.  Try to take time out to have at least one if not two or three sits baths per day during that first week after giving birth.

I remember after I gave birth to my second child and had an episiotomy, my nether regions were left in dire straits. I could barely sit in a car long enough to run to the grocery store let along walk up a flight of stairs. I remember seeing all the women out and about who were walking normal….wearing their skinny jeans and hustling and bustlingwithout any care in the world.  I was so envious and couldn’t help but wish them harm as they walked by me in my oversized underwear and sweats sitting on an ice pack in my car 🙂

2)     Breastfeeding – There is a lot of advice around this subject so I won’t linger on this but be sure to take time to relieve any discomfort you are feeling during that first week.  For engorgement be sure to have hot towels  and take lots of hot showers to help relieve the pain. A well known remedy is taking cabbage leaves and placing them on your breasts to sooth them. Sounds strange, but it works. Another thing that worked for me to help relieve the engorgement during that first week home from the hospital was to walk around the house without a bra on and just let the milk drip out. Sounds disgusting but boy did it help. Just make sure you aren’t expecting company  and that you wear an old t-shirt while doing so 🙂

3)     Emotions – You better believe your emotions are running hard during this first week. Make sure you have lots of help whether it be from your partner, family or a friend. There is also the Community Health Nurse that is trained to help you through any emotional stresses that you may have during the first couple of weeks. Try not to bottle up your feelings, you have been through a life event and now have a little bundle of joy to show for it. It’s a stressful and emotional time for you. Make sure you communicate your feelings bad and good so that you don’t feel like you are alone on your journey.

Even though the first few weeks are busy and your little one keeps you preoccupied, you can’t forget about your needs. As the old saying goes…..Happy Mommy, Happy Baby! So take some time, don’t feel guilty and remember that it gets easier every day.

The Third Boob

Welcome Nellie – one half of Chach & Nellie – writer’s of The Third Boob blog, as this week’s guest blogger

the third boob. there has to be a story there. well, here it is in all its lengthy glory. there has been no other mommyhood story to top it. so, here is the story that started it all.

the first pregnancy is the most exciting. that’s not to say that other pregnancies aren’t full of wonder but the first one is full of all things new. every change is a new experience and the unknown helps to add to the thrill of it all. i was like a lot of first time pregnant moms. i enjoyed that first pregnancy…until i noticed a kiwi sized lump growing in my armpit. the worst of scenarios raced through my mind. did i have cancer? was this a tumor? when the doctor ordered an ultrasound of the lump, i was thinking the worst.

sitting in the office of the ultrasound technician, i stared at the monitor trying to figure out what she was seeing on that little screen. “what is it?” “all i can see is breast tissue. i’ll send the results to your doctor.” i felt a sense of relief. no tumor, just breast tissue…in my armpit. i had no idea why that would be and my ob-gyn was actually of very little help in that department. i was told it was just breast tissue. breasts swell during pregnancy and that it should go back to normal after giving birth. this was a great theory but, after looking around, no other pregnant women seemed to be walking around with a kiwi in one pit.

finally a lactation consultant friend of mine told me it could be an extra mammary gland. this was confirmed in the hospital after i gave birth to my first son. a second lactation consultant came in to check on the nursing situation and i blurted out, “i think i have a third boob.” to this, in the tradition of lactation consultants getting all up in your boob business, she peeled back my hospital gown to examine the said appendage. here’s where it gets good. this lady had all the good intel. apparently, your milk lines run from your armpit all the way down your abdomen (think a cat or a dog with a litter of puppies). you can be born with extra mammary glands or extra nipples anywhere along your milk line and, unless you have a visible nipple, you may not know it’s even there until your breasts swell during pregnancy. the consultant then proceeded to tell me that there was a woman in the hospital the day before with eight boobs. (i can hear the collective gasps through the computer.) i all of a sudden felt pretty happy just to have the one. she then continued by saying that it would go away after nursing and that, because there was no visible nipple, it would dry up and shrink back to its former undetectable size.

here is where she got it wrong. my milk finally came in for my first born and while i was nursing him, i asked my husband if he’d turn up the air conditioning because i felt like i was sweating profusely. i then looked down to see that no, i wasn’t sweating. what i thought had been the tiniest of brown freckles was instead a nipple that was currently dripping milk down into a puddle on my shirt. yep…sign me up for the circus people. not only do i have a third boob but it lactates. doesn’t get much better than that.

i had to nurse with a towel in my armpit and while most nursing moms got to walk around with just absorbent breast pads in their nursing bras, i got to do that and wear a huge band-aid on my armpit. just so we’re all aware here, my son was born in june…tank top weather. it was fabulous.

between baby one and two, i had the boob surgically removed. there’s still breast tissue in there and with each pregnancy, it swells up to say hello. at least there isn’t a nipple. i’m fine with the third boob thing…just not the wet clothing every time i need to nurse or hear a baby crying.

so, there you have it. i think the third boob can give everyone a brighter outlook on life and on their after-baby bodies. your stomach may look like a venetian blind from the stretch marks you earned or you may have skin that now somehow resembles an elephant’s trunk. still, looking in the mirror at yourself you can always say, “at least it doesn’t lactate.” so, here’s to you, third boob. thanks for making most of the world feel a little bit better about themselves…and for giving us a great story to tell. cheers!

nellie

 

“the third boob” is where chach & nellie talk about motherhood, love, decorating, cooking, friendship and family. chach & nellie are two gals that met in a college summer school class one day and became roommates the next (literally). they live on different coasts now, are married and have a combined total of 6 kids, 1 dog and a turtle….. and, yes. one of them did grow a third boob during pregnancy. it’s true. crazy, right? stay tuned and they’ll tell you all about it.

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Getting Your Body Back after Having a Baby over 35 (or at any age)

Welcome this week’s guest blogger Deborah Lynn, who became a rookie mom at age 44

The Hard Truth: When I was walking (very slowly) around the recovery floor the day after my daughter was born, I stopped at the snack room to get a grape juice. There was a cute young father in the room and we smiled at each other. He said, “Wow! You have such a little one and you’re going to have another one!” I said, “No, I just had her but I was also wondering when I am going to stop looking nine months pregnant!” Truth is, he was right! I couldn’t blame him for stating the obvious. Now, I knew that I wouldn’t bounce back immediately to a size 6 but I didn’t think I would still look 9 months pregnant the day after my daughter was born. The cold hard facts are that the majority of women take up to a year to get back to a “normal” or pre-pregnancy body, especially when they have baby over 35. Of course, while I was pregnant over age 40 and reading all about this, I didn’t think it would apply to me. Right.

What you might expect to see in your post baby body after age 35:

Leaving the hospital. Most resources indicate that you should expect to look and plan for dressing as though you are 6 months pregnant when you leave the hospital. I can vouch for that. Bring your maternity jeans and top. Even though you have lost the weight of the baby, the amniotic fluid, and the placenta; it still takes your uterus time to shrink back to its normal fist size. You are also carrying lots of extra fluids and blood volume from the pregnancy. These will diminish over time, but not immediately after you give birth.

Follow up doctor’s visit (usually 6 weeks post delivery). By the first doctor’s visit, you probably will have lost at least 15-20 total pounds (depending upon how much you gained during your pregnancy.) Remember that a lot of that weight loss is due to the initial weight loss after birth as well as the diminishing fluid volumes in your body following birth. At my 6 week visit, I had lost 30 pounds. My doctor’s comment was, “Well, you were pretty puffy at the end.” She was right. I was shocked at how puffy my face was right before AJ was born. At 6 weeks post baby, I began to feel like I was getting my body back with a few notable exceptions:

• Those Amazing Boobs! It is fun to have D cup breasts! My Mom has commented that we need to get a picture because they are so amazing. Of course, I wonder what the impact will be when I am no longer breastfeeding and they shrink back to normal size. (I’ll let you know about that when that happens). This is probably one of the more fun side effects of having a baby. Enjoy it while it lasts. Be sure, though, to put your shoulders back and practice good posture. It’s easy to hunch over with the extra weight up front.
• That Darned Belly. For many women, the belly is often the hardest part of the body to get back to pre-pregnancy shape. Despite having lost over 30 pounds of the 35 I gained, I still have issues with my tummy. If you are in the same situation, don’t feel bad. Even though it takes longer, the tummy will bounce back if you continue to exercise and eat healthfully.
• Is that a stretch mark? I prided myself on the fact that I didn’t get one stretch mark during my pregnancy with AJ. Then I got home from the hospital. It seems that once my belly began to shrink to normal size, I had a series of nice stretch marks vertically above and below my belly button! I was shocked. 9 weeks later, they are getting less noticeable; however, they haven’t completely disappeared.
• It didn’t feel like this before. I had lots of stitches and general trauma during AJ’s birth. I was actually afraid to look or feel “down there” for a couple of weeks. Almost three months later, everything still does not feel like it did before; however, my doctor tells me that it will eventually return to normal.

What You Can Do:

• Walk
• Breastfeed
• Carry your baby a lot
• Eat right
• Drink plenty of water

It’s good to understand your body and how it may respond after the birth of your child. Like everything else in pregnancy and childbirth, each woman and each pregnancy are different. Listen to your doctor and take the time to take care of yourself after your baby is born. The baby needs you and you need to make sure that you are healthy, happy and making a strong recovery.

Deborah Lynn 

Deborah is a former fortune 200 executive who left the corporate world to focus on having her first child at the age of 44. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education from the University of Kansas; a Master’s degree in Kinesiology from the University of Northern Iowa and conducted doctoral work at Indiana University in Physiology. She is now the mother of her happy and healthy infant daughter, Alexandra. Over35newmoms contains detailed information about getting pregnant over age 35 including infertility testing, sperm donor selection, artificial insemination, labor, delivery, special considerations for moms over 35; and even designing your baby’s nursery.
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Mommy Time!

From the minute you find out that you are pregnant you begin conducting research on how to improve your health. After all, Baby is relying on you.  So you focus on diet, which exercises are best, what spas offer pre-natal relaxation services and on it goes.  During pregnancy most woman get a lot of me time; you become the diva of your family. You put your feet up and have hubby rub them.  More than any time in your life you really take time out for you so that you are in the best possible position (both physically and mentally) to grow a healthy, strong baby.

Then…..you have the baby and all that pampering and rightful self indulgence goes out the window; where are my foot rubs now, you ask! Oh wait, my husband is sleep deprived and off to work…darn.  Sorry ladies, but it’s the truth, your focus dramatically shifts.  I want to prepare you for what to expect and more importantly arm you with tips to help you manage YOUR needs during that first year of motherhood.

Of course the  needs of your newborn baby absolutely come first over anyone else.  HOWEVER, having said that, most new moms completely neglect themselves in lieu of that tiny pink or blue bundle which is ok short term but is not sustainable.  You are about to embark on the hardest job you have ever taken on….yes, even harder than working at that fast food joint when you were 16!  Being a mom of a newborn means that you are constantly tending to the needs of your infant and your needs are put on the back burner.

Remember it is not healthy to have this be the case all of the time. It’s important for new moms to focus a bit of time on themselves too, otherwise you can get burned out and not feel up to experiencing all the joys that come with being a new mom. 

Here’s some tips for you to make sure that you get a little TLC during that first year of motherhood which will make you a happier, healthier mommy:

1)      Build a strong support network.  You WILL NOT be able to do it all.  Something will have to give, whether it’s the cooking, cleaning or sleeping.  There aren’t enough hours in the day for you to conquer all the chores, plus look after a newborn AND take care of your needs.  Make sure you have reliable friends and family that you can call at a moment’s notice when you are feeling overwhelmed or just need a few minutes of shut eye.  Set expectations with them ahead of time so that everyone is on the same page.  They will be happy to help out….trust me!

2)      Schedule at least 30 minutes of downtime per week.  I know that sounds like a contradiction of terms (down time and a new born) but it’s so important.  You want to make sure that you have dedicated mommy time to either take a bubble bath, read a book, get your hair done.  Some activity that will pamper you, even just a little bit.

3)      Make time for girlfriends.  When you have a new baby and are off on maternity leave you probably think that you have all the time in the world to catch up with friends.  Remember that life actually gets pretty crazy during that first 3-6 months after your baby is born. Time will go by fast and all of sudden you look up and your baby is 6 months old.  You need to make sure that you get social time where you talk about anything else other than poo, pee and gurgling.  Don’t worry there is plenty of time to gush over your newborn, but you also need time to talk about world news, local gossip or heck, even what happened on the latest episode of Glee.

I am not trying to scare the mothers-to-be or new moms out there.  I am simply arming you with the reality that during that first year of motherhood you play the role of mommy 24×7 and you may need a break or two along the way.  Hopefully the above tips will make life as a new mom just a little bit easier.

I wish you all the best in your “Rookie Year”!

Monkey See, Monkey Do!

As a brand new parent you are probably wondering to yourself “am I doing this parenting thing right?”, “are other new parents doing things the same way I am?” You are also probably a little unsure of your actions. The piece of advice that I always dish out to new moms on this topic is to trust your gut.  As a new parent your hormones and emotions are heightened and even though there will be some mistakes made here and there, generally your actions are going to be the right ones.

Always remember that your children are a reflection of you! Like a baby animal on the Nature Channel that imitates its parents your new little bundle of joy is also watching your every move. So resist the urge to groom the lice out of your husband’s hair but take some comfort in knowing your little one will eventually come around to what you need and want them to do just by observing you.

This probably won’t happen right from birth considering your child can really only see shadows for the first four weeks….but, research shows that overall babies prefer the sight of human faces over anything else.  Research also shows that babies begin to learn habits early on from their parents.  So, here are some tips to consider when interacting with your children during that early time in their lives:

1) The age old saying “eat your veggies” applies to you too mom. When your baby starts eating solid food she will look to you to determine what to eat and how to eat it. So, if you want your little one to grow up loving peas, make sure not to snub your nose at them either. Show your child how much fun trying new food can be and they will grow up with an open mind and open palate.

2) Get your shut eye. For those parents who co-sleep with your child or let your child sleep in the same room as you, demonstrate to them that its bed time by turning off your light at a decent hour and going to bed. Now of course you’re more than likely to be woken back up by your child within a couple of hours for a feed or diaper change, but at least your little one can witness the act of you falling asleep….over and over and over again all in one night 🙂

3) Curb your enthusiasm. It’s inevitable when your sleep deprived that your patience and emotions will run thin.  However, if there’s a situation where you feel like you’re going to lose your cool, make sure to step out of the room, away from little eyes and ears before you do.

4) Smile and the whole world smiles with you. If you smile and laugh with your little one on a regular basis, they will be more likely to smile on their own. Plus, they say you use more facial muscles to frown than to smile….so, go ahead and give your face muscles a break and crack a grin.

Consistency is the key and repetition is the answer, don’t worry if you don’t get it right all the time as long as you get it right 80% of the time. There’s no need to be walking on eggshells around your child in fear that you will teach them bad habits.  Instead just become more tuned to your outward actions and maybe think twice before wincing at that plate of brussel sprouts or endeavor to stop yourself from cursing the next time you stub your toe as there might be little eyes watching you.

Exercise and a Newborn…. can they Co-Exist?

As a brand new mom the last thing on your mind is probably exercising. Coffee, more sleep and a daydream of the Spa are top of mind but definitely not workout gear, Gatorade, sweat and a pumping heart rate.
However, once the dust settles and your little one is granting you at least 4 hours of sleep in a row it might do you good to get out and get moving. Exercise is proven to give you more energy and to decrease stress…..two things that a new mom needs more than anything!

I know what you are thinking, “I can barely get a load of laundry done, how the heck am I going to find time to exercise?” Valid question and one that will require a different answer for each individual situation. If you are a new mom with a strong support network then leverage that network and escape for a 30 minute power walk around your neighborhood or to the gym for a yoga class. If you are a new mom without the ability to duck out of the house without your little one then by all means include your little one in your exercise routine.

When I had my first child it was spring so I was lucky. The weather was nice enough that I felt comfortable putting my daughter in her brand new shiny stroller and taking her for a walk at least every other day. She loved the fresh air and I loved it too. Seeing all the new spring flowers blooming was enough for me to rejuvenate and feel great. Whether it’s a stroller, baby carrier or sling, exercising with your little one is a great way to spend time together and satisfy your need to stretch those legs.

As time goes on, you’ll find more and more options are available for creative exercise. You need to think about new ways to get fit. Gone are the days of a 2 hour cardio and weight workout solo at the gym…for a while anyway. When my daughter turned 6 months old I ventured out to the local community centre to join the stroller aerobic classes that were offered there. While I was doing fine on my own with daily walks, I was starting to crave company other than that of my beautiful sleeping daughter….she wasn’t much of a conversationalist. Meet other moms in your neighborhood or seek out community areas where they gather for fitness.

Getting healthy and meeting new friends can create positive energy for you. I met a ton of other new moms and we used the 30 – 45 minute stroller aerobics sessions to share tips and tricks, talk about our challenges and to just be surrounded by like minded adults….all the while getting some well deserved exercise.
As your child grows, outings and exercise will become more frequent and easier for you . You won’t have to pack up the contents of your entire nursery for a 20 minute jaunt around the block. There is some great gear out there to support your new fitness adventures. As you advance into things like hiking, running or biking, take a look at the special backpack made for hiking or take your baby for a bike ride in a specially made pull along carrier.

Remember, this isn’t a race, no pun intended. You have lots of time to get back into shape. Just remember to start slow but be consistent. Frequency and duration will be different for everyone but for the first 6 months of your precious newborn’s life…..try to get out at least every other day for a power walk or jog. Your mind and body will thank you. The fresh air and change of scenery will inspire and refresh. Your joints and muscles will rejoice. Enjoy every minute. You deserve it!

Parent Dates….Not “Play Dates”

As a mother of two, I have experienced first-hand the effects of sleep deprivation, hormonal mood swings, baby blues and many other exciting motherhood “features”. Throughout these life jarring events, my hubby has stuck to me like glue and helped me wheather the emotional storm that comes with being a new mom. I may have wanted to rip the hair from his head at times or throw the dirty diaper pail at him….but what stressed out mom hasn’t wanted to make their husband feel as terrible as they do…right? Ah the benefit of hindsight. I know now that being a new mom is a tough gig regardless of how much support your significant other provides.

It’s imperative that moms and dads take the time to reconnect with each other outside of dirty diaper management and bottle sanitizing rituals at 3AM that resemble scenes from “Night of the Living Parent”? Is that you honey, or a red-eyed moaning Zombie with a trail of formula behind you? Think back from these events…..back through the haze of newbie parenthood. Not so long ago there was some romance and magic couple time that led to, amongst other things, your babies in the first place. You need to explore that historical time and re-kindle those moments. Don’t go crazy and make another baby while re-connecting….well, not quite yet unless that’s in your plan. But do hire a babysitter, whether its grandma and gramps, auntie or the college student that lives next door. You need ample time to shower, get dressed up (well, at least out of your sweats), leave the house and have some down time with your significant other.

Some experts will say that while on your date don’t talk about the kids….I say….yeah, right! It’s ok and normal so don’t sweat it. Children are the centre of the universe for both you and your spouse and you will bring them up. While talking about your little hatchlings is perfectly predictable, do try to inject some fun and support into the evening. Keep the conversation focused on the positive and be supportive of all the good things you see your spouse doing. Try not to nag…even though you really want to lay down the smack down regarding your Hubble’s use of copious amounts of fabric softener when helping with the laundry. Keep the conversation light and stress free. You will both enjoy the date a lot more!

You don’t even have to make the date a formal evening or go to a fancy restaurant. Some of the best “downtime” is simply finding a nice beach to walk on or a nice stroll in a local park together. Don’t underestimate the healing power of fresh air.

As parents we are too quick to push our needs aside when it comes to our children. But, trust me, date nights should not be one of them! It’s time well spent that will allow you to recharge and remember that you really are husband and wife as well as new parents. You’ll need this foundation of strength to conquer that never empty dirty diaper pail over and over and to chase away sleep in the middle of the night to valiantly respond to your little bird’s cry.

The Power of Support

As a new mom you think….believe…hope with all hope….that you will be get through this mothering gig just fine. And as millions and millions of mothers can attest to….you will indeed get through it…..and even better, you will most likely have the time of your life doing it.

As you embark on your journey through parenthood do not discount the power of having a strong support network. As a new mom you don’t have to be alone in this journey. You do not have to forge a brand new path with every challenge as there are many support resources that a new mother can leverage:

1) Friends and Family: New Moms don’t call out for help enough. Most of the time friends and family are more than willing to lend a hand. As a new mom it’s important to communicate with your friends and family on the areas you need help with…..if it’s cooking dinner then ask for some pre-cooked meals that you can put in the freezer….if it’s laundry then ask a friend or family to come over for the afternoon and help out with laundry. If you are like me….I was uncomfortable asking people to do my laundry so I asked them to come and sit with my new daughter while I escaped to the laundry room to do the laundry myself.

2) Mommy Support Groups: Lots of new moms don’t know that there are many different “mommy groups” right in their own backyard. Check out your local community centers for the different classes offered for new moms. All of the classes are “child friendly” (of course) and usually don’t cost a lot…if anything at all. These groups are a great way to meet new moms like yourself and a chance to talk about various issues or concerns that you have with someone who is going through the exact same thing. If nothing else….it’s a chance to get out of the house and socialize with people other than your infant.

3) Mommy Blogs: If you are the type of person who isn’t into putting yourself out there at a community centre or simply like the comfort of your own home and not ready to ditch the jammies just yet….check out the various mommy blogs on the internet that offer a ton of great advice and discussion forums for you to participate in. You will get real life advice from other new moms as well as moms who have been through it all before.

4) Community Health Nurse: This support option is critical for new moms. Your body is changing so much after you give birth and your new little creature is a mystery in itself….but, at the same time you don’t want to have to wait in a jam-packed walk in clinic for hours to get a couple of questions answered. For medical advice or even just general questions, your Community Health Nurse is there to support you and more often than not she will come to you or provide advice over the phone rather than making you go to her.

There are a lot of other support options out there that you will find if you do a bit of research and ask around.

As a seasoned mom, my biggest recommendation to you is to set up your support network before you give birth….you have way more time on your hands and you won’t be as sleep deprived and desperate for the help. Even if you are on baby number 2 or 3….it’s good to set up a support network before the baby comes. Everyone needs help and please remember….it’s ok to ask! Most people want to help!